Jon Stewart distributes clown suits.

A few snippets from Last Night's daily show after the GOP Christens Sarah Palin.








Just horrendous(ly funny).

Dude, Where the Fuck Have You Been?!?11

Ok, so its safe to say its been a while. No, the blog isn't dead, and yes, there have been some developments since I've returned from Europe. And yes, there are a few red 'X's in some of my previous posts.

I will make a better effort to keep both blogs updated from here on out. I've invited a few people to post on here and...well... you can see how well that's gone. Anyway, I will step things up here to get you the precious info that you come here begging to look for.

Miles' Europe Travel Tips.

First off, it must be noted that its taken almost a full week for my body to re-adjust to Central Standard Time. I got back into town last Sunday night (although I was convinced our plane was going to crash amongst the crappy KC weather), and was back at work less than 12 hours later. By Wednesday, the room around me stopped spinning. By Friday, I was able to stay awake past 9pm.

During my trip I had been thinking about what to post about what wisdom I would impart to those planning their European vacation, or even my return trip with Wendy here in about 15-20 years (when the kids are out of the house, or we have the money, whichever comes first). So here goes:

-Plan at least three full days of sightseeing in a large city. If you are going to just go to one city during your vacation, spend the extra day. I mean what's the difference between spending $5,000 on a 5 day vacation and $6,000 on a 6 day vacation? The extra memories.

-Just getting around a big city, you could easily spend $200 a day. That factors in food, sightseeing, transportation, exchange rate. If you are able to drop that kind of dime, then be selective about what you want to do on the cheap. If you can find a local supermarket, you can dodge a few meals on the cheap, but go out for a nice dinner from time to time.

-Look into public transportation. i.e., bus routes, subways. You can only walk so far in a given day and if you want to be able to enjoy sights w/o your legs falling off, look in advance into what public transportation options are available. Most subways have day passes for tourists. Take advantage. You can do a sightseeing tour, and its a good way to get some info but you only need to do it once.

-PACK. LIGHT. You will be lugging your shit all over hell-and-gone (unless you want to get ripped off by a taxi) and you don't want to be hauling 75lbs. worth of clothes. Believe me.

-Don't dress like a bum. On travel days, be comfy. But while in the big city, try not to look too obvious. Jeans are Ok almost everywhere. Nice shirt, nice jacket. Probably my Wal-Mart brand and 90's Fleece jacket was not the most fashion conscious thing I could have come up with.

-Scaffolding is everywhere. Just let it happen.

-It really helps to speak the native language of the country you are visiting. I know that pretty much everyone speaks English, but believe me. You feel really helpless when you don't know the language and everyone looks at you like you are the stupid American tourist.

-Map reading is also a very useful tool. Luckily for my sister, I am a map reading genius. If need be, you may have to get in the map in order to find your next destination. Also, prepared for the maps to not be 100% accurate.

-Don't be afraid to sample the local cuisine. I'm very proud of the fact that I did not have McDonald's once. In Italy, we ate at an Irish pub and had...pizza. In London, we did chicken and chips. In France, we had Asian food. And Crepes.
On that note, you may want to stock up on bottled water at a local grocer. It costs just as much as soda at a cafe, which is usually about $4.00.

-Get the REAL Coke, or Coca-Light (Diet Coke). The off brand stuff will make your ass bleed.

-Foreigners are very nice to you. They just hate your President:

That is all I have for now. Good luck and start hoping for a better economy!

Today is Re-He- Heally Going to Suck.

The time is currently 6:46 AM. I am currently at home, watching KU bitchslap K-State on my DVR. I've only been back home for about 8 hours, and yet I got up early because my body thinks its about 1 PM. Oh. And I have to go to work today. Not the best travel planning by myself, but I've already asked my co-workers to help a brotha out in my attempt to stave off being catatonic today. Wish me luck.

French Special Ed Student wins Abstract Drawing Contest; Becomes Blueprints for Charles de Gaulle Airport.

I didn't have any reason to hate the French until I was about 2 hours away from being out of the country. Then I got to Charles de Gualle Airport, and came to appreciate France's big "F U" to you as you left their soil. First off, as you pull in from the train station, there are two stops for the Airport, and you really aren't sure which to go to. There is no list that says what airline flies out of which terminal. So you have to guess. Ironically, I'd been running about 50% in 50/50 guesses on this trip, so I took a chance and went with the latter stop, Terminal 2 (as opposed to Terminals, 1 and 3 at the first top). I get out to look for an information kiosk: closed. I look for a list of airlines served in the terminal on the little map: not there. After wondering around for a bit looking for flight information that wasn't there, I find an information kiosk and attempt to get info in French.

Person who works at the devil's airport: Bonjour.
Me: Bonjour. United 0943
Her: *Blank Stare*
Me: Where?
Her: Terminal 1, Gate 4.
Me: Merci, Beaucoup.

So Terminal 1 is only accessible by tram. But the fun only began when I got there. The airline check-in aren't along the walls of anything, or are there discernible booths. No, they are kind of here and there, and intermixed within each other. I manage to find the right check-in, then got sent to "Number 5". Well there are two number 5's: a Hall 5, which is like Senegal Air. Then there is like a tube 5, which long of other series of interconnecting tubes, takes me to security, then my gate.

I hate you.

Apparently, this is the asshole responsible for all this. I just wanted to you for having my last few hours in France being one of frustration.

EDIT: I'd also like to thank United for delaying my flight to Kansas City for THREE GOD DAMN HOURS.

A Long Day’s Journey into…Mid-Afternoon.

Today, I leave Europe. I do hope to return someday, and when I get the chance, I will post my tips on how to make the best of your future European vacation. But I wanted to brief you on what I have in store for me. I leave CDG Airport (there’s another airport in Paris called Orly) around noon local time, and arrive in Chicago around 3:30 pm. Holy shit! A three hour flight!? I wish. Try nine. That’s more like the time needed to get through Eugene O’Neill’s play, whose title I’ve barrowed somewhat. That will bring my total time in the air for this trip to be around twenty-three hours (not including 4½ hours total by train).

It has really been the trip of a lifetime. Four countries (if you count two hours in Frankfurt), nine nights in three of the most well known cities in Europe, many miles walked, countless sights seen, lots of money spent, all for memories I never hope to forget (but in case I do, I have the pictures). Even though I will not really have any time to rest before I return to reality, I am looking forward to getting back to a few people, ones that let me go without them on this vacation, ones that I hope to bring with me the next time I come here, and the ones I love the most:
I’ve gained a lot of perspective on things; how people here live, how they dress, the pleasure and pain of doing a lot of walking, how proud I am of my sister, and how I don’t want to spend this much time away from my family ever again. Until we meet again, Europa, Ciao! Cheers! Au revior!

If the French don't speak English to you, then that's saying something: That's saying "I'm being a Frenchie Douchebag."

It is the eve of my departure and I wanted to offer my final thoughts as I'm watching Law and Order in French (no subtitles), and waiting for the KU-KState game to start (which I probably won't be able to stay awake to keep track on the internet).

First involves my review of French cuisine. Our first two nights, our dinners were spent...at Asian places. They were both little stop-in shops, and were quite tasty (although one was considerably more expenive than the other). We did actually have quiche today and it pretty much tasted like quiche in America. I did roll heavy with some Pain du Chocolat, which can be had at the local vendor down the street, 2 for €1,20. That was almost the easiest money spent all trip. Along with Chocolate, I'm pretty sure the French put crack in there because I've eaten like 6 of them the two full days I've been here.

Despite what you may have heard about the French being rude, all the ones we encountered were very nice and cordial. There is a theory that they are nice to us usually because we are paying them money in exchange for something, but they have been pretty helpful when we have questions or can't understand what they are trying to say. Usually when Katie struggles saying something in French, they bail us out and switch over to English.

There are beggars everywhere, and they all have similar angles. At the Eiffel Tower, a lady came up to me and asked me if I spoke English (I KNEW I should have said, "no"), then handed me a card telling me of her tumultuous life and how I could make it better by giving her money. I told her I had none and was paying for my lift ticket by Credit Card (lie) and I was really sorry but I couldn't help her. As she walked off, I could see her going back to her people huddling and plotting their next plan of attack. The next time someone came up to me and asked me if I spoke English, I said "no" (not being able to explain, how then I understood her question). Today, in the train there was a dude walking up and down the car handing cards telling of an equally tragic tale, then walked by later looking at us for money. We said we didn't have any (lie) and he kind of just stood there. Again, the cards were in English making me think that I really need to learn another language so that I can pretend I know that instead of English.

You may as well buy the Coke product while at the cafe, because the water is going to cost you just as much if not more. While on that note (I will include this as part of my 'tips' post that I'll make later), go buy soft drinks at the market. A Coca-Light at the quiche place today cost €3,50 for a small glass bottle. A 1.5 litre beast at the supermarket cost 2 Euro less than that. When I saw that, I felt fucking retarded foolish for not having stocked up when I had the chance.

Here are a few random photos taken over the last few days. Enjoy them, because they are the last I have of Paris:

There is a reason the French Militarie went included in the making of Call of Duty 4. Look at the wimpy weapons! FAMAS, FTL.

The Grand Palais. Not a great angle, the view from the Seine gives you a better idea of its size.

The Hotel Muguet, 11 Rue Chevert, Paris. Our home away from home for a few days, the rooms here were the nicest of the three cities we stayed. Very nice considering its supposed to be a "Two Star" hotel.
The Assembilee Nationale. We were in the Place De La Concorde when we took this pic.
A view of the Trocadero from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

The Rumours are True: I Have No Culture/Am Dead Inside.

I never did figure out what my calling is in life, but I know what my calling isn’t: An Art Historian. My sister is the Art person, I’m the government guy. House of Commons? I was completely enthralled, fascinated, excited. Katie seemed bored to death. Then again, we did wait forever. Today Katie and I maneuvered through the Musee d’Orsay (whose staffers were also on a photography strike), she was the one that was totally stoked as if it were Christmas Morning. I was happy, but just did not completely share her level of enthusiasm. My apologies to my Aunt, my mother, and pretty much the French.

I took a moment to rest and she went on to check out the Impressionists; in trying to find catch up with her, I noticed a dude standing in front of a painting just staring. As I passed by a few minutes later, he was still there, staring; analyzing every detail, ever brushstroke. I wondered if perhaps he was searching for something, kind of a Vincent Van Gogh Code, to which he will find that the power of God lies with Absinthe or something. I didn’t get it. I haven’t been able to be mesmerized by a single painting like that. I’m kind of the “look and wander” tourist. Even when we went to the Louvre, I really didn’t stop and stare too much. I had to fight the crowd to get to the Mona Lisa and the Venus De Milo, but I gave it its due time then left. Anyway, here are some pictures from the Musee d’Orsay. Please don’t ask me who the artists are, I’m not the Art person. I do know that there is a Monet (I’ve heard of him) and Seurat (him, too):

Sex, God and Gargoyles.

As today is my last day in Paris, we tried to get in a bit of everything. Since I’m a huge p***y and didn’t want to journey to Pigalle at night in fear of getting ripped off or mugged, we ventured by this morning to check out the Moulin Rouge: Pigalle is a very interesting part of town. They really don’t make any bones about what they are trying to sell which is T&A. Even the souvenir shops have penises and nekkid ladies in them. As an aside-- I give huge props to my wife, who wanted me to take in a show at the Moulin Rouge. Even though I think this was a test, I didn't really want to drop the €99,00 it took to take in a show without dinner. That's too much for boobies, sorry ladies.

We decided to stroll through the district on our way to Sacre Coeur, a Basilica atop a large hill with a great view of the city. All we had to get through were the gypsies trying to beg us for money, the crazy swap meet, other dudes trying to rip us off selling trinkets, a bunch of German people, and a shitload of steps. We did make it to the summit, and snapped a few photos:
After yesterday’s 8 mile trek, we decided we are going to get smart and buy a Metro pass. Kind of like the Berlin song, we thought that “Riding on the Metro” was the way to go. Similar yet more confusing then the tube, without the ‘Mind the Gap’ reminders, we went from the summit of Sacre Coeur, to the Cathedral of Notre Dame. Despite their crappy season this year, I am confident that Charlie Weiss can lead Touchdown Jesus to victory. Wait, wrong Notre Dame. This is a very impressive structure that let us take a few pictures from the inside, and I got a few shots from the outside as well:

Sponsors' Thanks.

We just wanted to take a moment and thank those at the Zacharias Foundation who are responsible for most of the contents of this blog (specifically those pertaining to Europe).

Louvre Staffers' stage a Work Stoppage; Refuse to tell Patrons not to take Pictures.

Before I go on about the Louvre, which came at the end of the day, let me say that I'm completely worn out. Tomorrow when we try to go to places like Sacre Coeur, Notre Dame, and what not, we are taking the G.D. Metro. Today we began at the Eiffel Tower, walked through to the Arc de Triumphe, down the Avenue des Champs-Elysees, through the Place de la Concorde, Tuileries Gardens, and ending up in the Carrousel de Rivoli (which is underground, right in front of the Louvre. Including the walk back to the Hotel Muguet, that was about a 7-8 mile, 8 hour trek:

We begin in the icon of Paris, the Eiffel Tower. Seemingly small in the distance, its actually quite an impressive structure, especially when you are up on the third level at the tippy top and have an amazing view of the entire city:

A view of the Top Level of the Eiffel from the Second Level. There were lines for everything.

The view of Sacre Coeur from the top level of the Eiffel.

The Invalides's golden dome glistens in the Parisian skyline. Top left is Notre Dame Cathedral, top right is the Parisian Pantheon.

We wondered past the Tocadero, checked out the Arc De Triomphe, and wondered down the Champs-Elysees, which is like the main street of Paris; lined with chic restaurants, stores, theaters, and the sanctuary of womankind: Sephora. I was charged with getting the Mrs. some perfume from L'Occitane, and I would not be denied (although I would be denied at Sephora - they didn't carry it). We grabbed some Crepes with Nutella Chocolate, then on to the Louvre.

After 6pm, admission to the world famous art house is €6,00 so we loitered in the Carrousel de Rivoli, which has some cafes, chocolate stores, and...L'Occitane! (Easiest and most guilt free money I've spent all trip). Anyway, here are some pics leading up to the Louvre:

Looking down the Champs-Elysees at the Arc De Triomphe.

The Louvre from the front.

The first thing I noticed upon entering the Louvre was an interesting B.O./Sewage/Popcorn smell. This really permeated all around the first few halls we visited. The most glaring thing I noticed that despite the signs everywhere that said "NO CAMERAS" in every language imaginable, people were taking flash pictures like it was going out of style. Now, when in the Vatican and in the House of Commons, there was always that guy (in the Vatican, it was us) that was still trying to take pictures despite the sign, but there were also officials that would remind you: "NO PHOTO!". Here, people were taking pictures with flashes like it was going out of style, and not even a peep from the Louvre staff. My Aunt Elly-Ann would have been furious; people would have been cut.

I immediately made a bee-line for the Mona Lisa. "Oh Draconian Devil! Oh Lame Saint!" I had to see her. Getting to where you actually want to go in the Louvre is kind of a task, but when I saw finally saw her, there was the crowd: snapping away. We decided to take a picture, sans flash, but the lighting is kind of crappy in the room so if you don't hold the camera dead still, the shutter stays open a little longer and you get some blur. There is also a reflection from the two dozen other people taking pictures with their Wal-Mart cameras, but anyway, here she is:

Amazing.

Here is the Venis De Milo. Again, the lighting was crap, but Katie managed to steady the camera well enough to get this shot off. Insanely beautiful.

Why the staff at the Louvre decided to throw a camera kegger is beyond me; especially because we still bought some postcards to savor the momento of having seen these pieces. However, we were toward the end of the day, and although we breezed through the Egyptian exhibit, we were pretty much spent, so we headed back to our hotel. We need to realize that everything closes before 8:30 around here (unless you are in the Pigalle area, and I'm not in the mood to get swindled in a sex shop) so tomorrow we will try and budget our time better and get some proper food.

France Receives Word of our Arrival; Fortifies Maginot Line; Surrenders; Forms Underground Resistance.

"I'm in ur country, eating ur cheese!"

A funny thing happened on the way to Paris. Actually, a few funny things happened. 1.) We missed our train. The tube was hitting a few delays (which, apparently is normal). That and we figured we could make a train that departed at 11:05 if we show up at St. Pancras International at 11:03. Didn't happen. Expecting to get absolutely destroyed at the ticket counter when asking for an exchange (figuring this was going to set me back ~£300.00 [$600] in the "we don't exchange" department), the very nice man at the Eurostar took pity on us and swapped us straight up for the 12:30 train. Thank you very much, Eurostar dude.

The second funny thing is that not only did we miss our first train, the train we did make missed an entire stop of people further on down the line. We stopped in the middle of the English countryside to have an announcement go over that "we forgot to pick up people" and were going to have to turn around. About 20 minutes later, the announcement came over the intercom that we were going to move on without picking up the stranded passengers and continuing on to Gare du Nord. There never is a formal announcement that you are about to go under the English Channel, just prolonged darkness. We then emerged to the French countryside and a thin fog all the way to Paris. (Apparently you can't have a train station in Europe unless you have a crap-ton of graffiti-laced buildings leading up to your stop.)

We are now comfortably settled into our Hotel Muguet in Paris. Even though I'm back in a country where I don't speak the native language, my sister should be having us covered in both the money and the translation department. Also Hotel has a little bit more reliable wireless interwebs and therefore I should have picutres from the days events up in the evening tomorrow.

In London, I left my Heart; Savings Account; Feelings in my Extremities.

The Lime Tree Hotel: A Great Place to Stay.

With great pain, we depart from the Empire today. I had a complete blast in the UK. On Wednesday, we did the double-decker sightseeing tour, and didn't even manage to get it all in. My advice to any future travelours: get on the bus as early as possible if you are going to do the sight-seeing tour. If not, buy a one or two day Tube Pass and get around that way. For Katie and I, a one day pass was £10.50, as opposed to the £22.00 A PIECE for the Bus. Also, the Bus runs into a lot of delays, as the downtown area gets crazy congested during the day. Oh, not to mention that its COLD. AS. HELL. The upper deck can be brutal when the wind is really going. Then again, the Tube during rush hour can be a bit stifling as well.

"Mind the Gap, Tosser."

We did get a few good pictures from the Bus:

Kensington Palace. Former home of Princess Diana.

Apparently, its against the law to walk underneath the main archway, unless you are a Monarch.

Things were running a little late so we made the move directly for Tower of London (we already purchased our tickets with our Hotel.) We managed a few pics over there before we tried to settle our train situation:

London Bridge.
London Tower.
Guarding the Crown Jewels. (Insert Joke Here.)

Beefeater Dude.
Bloody Tower. Ominous.

Traitor's Gate. You don't want to be on the other side of that gate.

So we hadn't quite booked our Train to Paris yet. That would have to come at St. Pancras. We tubed on over to book our tickets. Apparently there were two trains available: one at 05:30 (that's oh-five-thirty: in the morning) or an 11:05 AM train which was about £115 more. I made a harsh decision and opted for the later train at the higher price. Mind you, this was still much cheaper than what the two travel agents we had visited earlier in the day had quoted us. I figured it was about 50pence for every extra minute of sleep we got to have.

We didn't think to get any pictures while we were in Piccadilly Circus looking for some good Theatre tickets for the evening. We ended up seeing Les Miserables at the Queen's Theater for £30.00 each -- I recommend going to the "tkts" booth for the good seats--there are tons of other "brokers" in the area trying to sell (or resell) tickets the day of the show. We had pretty solid seats - seventh row.

At the end of the day, I'm really going to miss London, and I do hope to return someday. If only to watch re-runs of Sue Thomas: F.B."Eye".

The British Talk Funny, Drive Funny, Make me Feel all Funny Inside.

I absolutely LOVE the British dialect. I try to engage as many people as possible just to I can hear the proper tongue. We got into Heathrow late Monday night and made it to our hotel via a Coach (bus- but don’t call it a bus, call it a Coach). What’s funny is that even in a country where almost everyone speaks English, I still have to ask the locals to repeat themselves because I just cannot understand them. Well, that and I love the dialect.

Tuesday morning we went on a bit of an excursion. Our hotel isn’t far from Buckingham Palace, and so we decided to walk (yes, walk. Again.) around and see a few sights:

The Horse Guards.

Westminster Abbey was open at odd times that day so couldn’t get in. We did get a few good pictures, though.

Instead, we went over to Parliament (which is right across the street) and check out a debate in the House of Commons.

The chamber was almost this full of MP’s and staff. They were debating a bill on gambling. Although our wait in the queue to get in was over an hour, we did get to see the interior of the building. The only part that allowed pictures was Westminster Hall, which dates back several hundred years.

I’ll tell you what, though. There was this show on the BBC that sucked so hard, it made me question the integrity of British Television. The show…oh, wait. The show’s American. I’ve never heard of this show, which was playing between one of the thirty-eight iterations of Law and Order:

Huh? WTF is this shit? After some quick research, I find out that Sue Thomas is actually a deaf FBI agent. That would make a good Lifetime movie of the week (which they have the Lifetime Channel here), but a recurring TV show? More research told me the show was originally on PAX in the US, but was cancelled a few years ago. Man, even God didn’t have long enough patience for deaf Special Agents with guide dogs.